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My dad was a liberal minister in Johnson County, Kansas (which is kind of a conservative hive), and he used to describe "the afterlife" this way.
 
Hell is a huge banquet hall. In this hall is an enormous table, laden with all of the most wonderful food you can possibly imagine. The food is succulent and there is enough for everyone to eat their fill. The people in Hell are sitting at this table and they are all crying bitterly, because they have splints on their arms. They can't bend their arms and they are starving to death in front of all of this wonderful food.
 
Heaven is also a huge banquet hall. In this hall is another enormous table, again laden with all of the most wonderful food you can imagine. The food just as succulent as before and again there is enough for everyone. The people in Heaven are sitting at this table and they are all fat and happy, laughing and enjoying themselves immensely. They too have splints on their arms and they can't bend their arms to feed themselves, but they are feeding each other.

I don't think Dad made this story up, but he enjoyed telling it. I have often thought of him as a "missionary to Johnson County", trying to save souls where he was needed most. He was a great guy.



[ Looks Familiar ] [ 140 years ] [ In the Red ] [ Drunk ] [ Eminem Mosh ] [ Bush Salutes ] [ Hell & Heaven ] [ Freeway Signs ] [ Not hiding ] [ Mistaken Identity ] [ FOX Brainwashing ] [ Garrison Keilor ] [ 60 Second Vietnam Primer ] [ Save the Children ] [ Illegal War ] [ Jobs ] [ Repugnants ] [ Swift Boat Truth ] [ Flip Flopper ] [ Vietnam Atrocities ] [ Sensitivity Training ] [ Question ] [ AWOL Dubya ] [ Outsourcing is STUPID ] [ History Lesson ] [ Deep Thoughts ] [ Bush vs Bush ] [ Milk Carton ] [ September 13th ] [ Gangrene ] [ Memorial Day ] [ Political Cartoons ] [ Fair Use ] [ ]